NCAA Women's Championship tonight

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TUESDAY CARDINAL COUPLE 


-BAYLOR, NOTRE DAME PLAY FOR TITLE TONIGHT


-SOFTBALL HOSTS KENTUCKY WEDNESDAY


-CATS TONE IT DOWN A BIT AFTER NCAA WIN


The NCAA Women's Championship game takes place tonight in the Pepsi Center in Denver, CO. Undefeated Baylor against 35-3 Notre Dame. 

It is as most expected it to be. Contenders for the throne Connecticut and Stanford falling in the semifinal games of the Final Four...the Huskies going out growling and gnashing. Stanford never really in the game against Baylor...but accomplishing something that the Irish would love to figure out how to do.


Stop Brittany Griner.


'The Grinder' went for 32 points and 14 grabs against Notre Dame in November in the 94-81 Baylor win. At 6'8", she's shown that she can dunk other than in practice. Notre Dame starts no one taller than 6'2". Even with two-time BIG EAST defensive player of the year Devereaux Peters on the squad, there is still about 6 inches of height disparity there. 


We asked basketball fans, a former coach and the Yorkies their opinions. We threw most of that advice in the recycling bin. Co-Co, when asked, started piling up containers of banana pudding next to Griner's picture. Jeff Walz would probably tell you that you let her get hers and shut down the rest of the team. Jeff Foxworthy most likely would tell her "You Might Just be a Redneck" jokes until her sides hurt from laughter. 


Nevertheless, we managed to come up with a "top 10" list of ways you keep Griner from scoring. Enjoy the game tonight!


TOP TEN WAYS TO KEEP BRITTANY GRINER FROM SCORING


10. Tell her prior to the game that her baskets will be worth only one point.

Replace the cigarette with
Brittany's face and "smoking"
with "Griner".

9. Put a picture of her face on the backboard with a circle around it and line thru it. 
8. Inform Kim Mulkey that tonight's contest will be a 6'4" and under game.
7. Attach brooms to the forearms of the Notre Dame paint players. 
6. Put a sign over the entrance to the court...CLEARANCE 6'3" AND UNDER ONLY. TALL PLAYERS FOLLOW DETOUR ROUTE.
5. Call Anthony Davis and see what he's up to tonight.
4. Strategically place sharp-shooters in the stands with instructions to shoot the ball whenever she gets it. 
3. Have Natalie Novosel carry Devereaux Peters around on her shoulders the entire game. 
2. Install secret trap doors underneath each basket and open them when Griner gets in the paint. 
1. Give Tonya Harding a front row seat for the game and equip her with a police baton. 


Tip is 8:30 p.m. tonight on the four-letter network. 


************************************************************************


Louisville softball looks to rebound (maybe a wrong choice of words) from the 1-2 weekend against DePaul in Chicago with a Wednesday non-conference game against UK. The two met last week in Lexington...UofL taking a 1-0 victory on Kristin Austin's solo shot to lead off the fourth. 

Expect Ulmer Stadium seats and the surrounding berm to be packed for this one. Hopefully, the weather will co-operate. We expect the Cards to produce a few more runs in this one, buoyed by the large fan support they'll have in the seats and berm. 


Not sure who Sandy Pearsall will hand the ball to for starting pitching duties...but Tori Collins mowed down Wildcat batters with relative ease in Lexington and she's had three days rest. If she falters, the Cards have Chelsea Leonard and Caralisa Connell to bring in for relief. 

Attendance for the game in Lexington was announced at over 1000 (barely). We must do better, Cardinal fans! Tickets are $5 and can be purchased through the UofL Ticket office. We expect "walk-up" purchases will be available as well. Game time is 6 p.m. 


Here's hoping the Cards batters can shake the "bees" out of their bats and find open space and the fences against UK. Gotta bring UK Sports down a notch after Monday night, right?


************************************************************************


Finally, congratulations to UK for winning the NCAA Men's Championship. Also, congratulations to UK fans for not repeating as much stupidity on the streets as they did Saturday night. Early reports we've heard indicate that only car was set ablaze, one garage burned and one person shot. 

Couches and recliners torched...well, that a different story.   Let the students have their fun to a certain extent, we say. It's quite an honor to win a National Championship. WE remember the crazy scene down on the Belknap Campus when Louisville took the title in 1986. Paul was in Indianapolis when Louisville won in 1980 (but remembers very little about the post-game celebration).

"A riot is an ugly thing!"

The key is moderation and no violence after a major accomplishment. It sounds like 99% of the party people last night kept it destructive free. And, that's a good thing.


A UK fan informed me yesterday that the same thing would have occurred in Louisville that did on Saturday in Lexington if the Cards had advanced to the championship game. 


We'll never know, of course...but something tells me that the smell of burning couches in the air wouldn't have been as prevalent and insurance claims on torched automobiles non-existent.  


So, to my UK friends that are classy, congratulations. Stay classy. To all other BIG BLUE boasters out there, don't flaunt it in front of me. 

Who's the happiest guy in New Orleans today? Why no other than World Wide Wes. See the hug between him and Anthony Davis after the game? Notice how WWW was strategically seated behind Calipari? Easier to pull the puppet strings from there I suppose. 


To paraphrase the words of Jack Nicholson in the movie A Few Good Men:

"All you did last night is weaken the institution of college basketball, Coach Cal." 


A bunch of "one and done" players won the National Championship last night. 


Ho, hum.


That little boy on an Indiana farm, shooting baskets until dark at the hoop attached to the side of the barn, yeah...he's all about "one and done" He may have a good 3 or 4 years playing in high school, get a ride from a state school and even start by his senior year. He won't go to the NBA but may return to that small Indiana town a few years later and open a family practice physicians office or join the local insurance agency. His friends and parents will be proud of him. He won't be hanging out with rappers. 


That little boy may return to the inner city as the first child in his family with a college degree. He may be on the staff of a outreach sports programs that offers kids a gym to play in instead of the streets to get in trouble in. He'll settle down, marry and raise a family. They'll go to church on Sunday and visit ailing Auntie Jess twice a week.

That little boy may finish his four years of eligibility but be a few credit hours short of his degree. He'll return home, go to work in the local factory on man the back of a garbage truck 40 hours a week. He'll be a legend and hero to his friends, though. They'll toast him in the local tavern he frequents on the weekend. They'll remember that clutch rebound against the #2 seed in the tournament to clinch the win or his long range three to send the conference championship game to overtime. And, maybe someday he enrolls in his local community college or goes back to his Alma mater and gets the bachelors' degree.


You know World Wide Wes is all over these pieces of chum, right? 

But, that little boy is what men's college basketball should be all about. Sadly, today...it's about 5 or 6 guys from the National Championship that will flirt with representation, agents, handlers and salaries next year. Modern English Literature 101 will probably take a back seat. 


You can tell me things aren't the way they used to be anymore. That things have changed. That it's a different world and my way of thinking is antiquated. Call men's college hoops NBA Lite if you want. I'm not listening or subscribing. 


Pardon me if I remain behind for awhile. Weather here suits my clothes a little better...
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SUNDAY CARDINAL COUPLE -HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!

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SUNDAY CARDINAL COUPLE WILDCAT WRAP-UP


(Dear readers...for the last couple of years, we've run a parody of the blog on April's Fool Day. WE scared a lot of people last year with it...so be advised that the following articles ARE parodies, NOT TRUE and just our annual April Fools Edition. We have added a brief paragraph or so after each entry with an ACTUAL real summary of the event.)


Enjoy.


-PITINO fired after loss to UK


-LADY CARDS Softball disbanded after DePaul loss


-CARDINAL COUPLE to shutdown


*****************************************************************************


Popular UofL Coach fired after eight-point loss to UK
-New Orleans, LA.

"I never should have
replaced you, Denny."

Hours after the University of Louisville lost to Kentucky 69-61 in the semi-finals of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament, head coach Rick Pitino was fired by athletic director Tom Jurich in what can only be described as a bizarre incident. 


Standing in the middle of Bourbon Street Sunday morning and wearing a World War II General's uniform, Tom Jurich made the announcement to a shocked and surprised throng of party-goers celebrating in the aftermath of Saturday night's games. 

"I always wanted to be a pirate
with a parrot on my shoulder." 

"It is my great and esteemed pleasure to announce that I, Tom Jurich, being of sound mind and body and in no way affected by the Hurricanes I've been drinking since 9 p.m. this evening...well, I've canned Rick Pitino as the coach of the Cardinals. It was that or just shoot him. I can't get a prison charge this way, so Ricky...you're outta here! See ya and wouldn't want to be ya! Adios amigo!"


After shouting the words through a bullhorn in front of popular nightclub establishment PAT O'BRIENS, Jurich dramatically raised a hand in the air, stuck his thumb out and pointed down the street.

"One more pitiful bowl appearance and
I'm hiring you back to replace that idiot
Charlie Strong" 

"Tell your story walking, pal...because your new title is EX-UofL coach!" Jurich bellowed and then suddenly sat down on the curb, appearing unsteady and wobbly on his feet. "I'm gonna tell all of you something, see...and you damn well better listen good, pal. This whole week has been a total abomination. WE can't do this against Kentucky, we shouldn't be in the Final Four, WE couldn't shoot the side of a barn with a shotgun. I'm running out of boxer shorts...I'm just sick and tired of it all!" 


Jurich then staggered to his feet again and started wildly waving his arms in the air, nearly striking sportswriter Howie Lindsey...who was standing next to Jurich and dressed as the character Bluto from the comic strip "Popeye". 

"Fans like these two make me want to give up this
job and go dig ditches. Hillbilly trailer trash..."

"And it's all Rick's fault. All of it! I build a big, freakin' arena downtown and he can't even beat South Florida in it! Even Walz beat South Florida and that man couldn't coach his way out of a parking spot on a bicycle! So...Farewell. Good bye. Auf Wiedersehen. Adieu! I love that song! I wanted to be in that movie but...no! Tommy has to be athletic director. Tommy has to be a placekicker. Tommy has to TAKE OUT THE STINKIN' GARBAGE!" 


Jurich then lurched forward and started walking down the street, singing the popular song from The Sound of Music...stopping only briefly when Lindsey asked who would  replace Pitino.

"I should be in this cast photo. With my arm
around Julie Andrews." 

"Congratulations, big boy! You've got the job." he snarled and disappeared into the crowd, singing loudly and high-fiving UK fans. 


Coach Pitino was informed of the news as he got out of a limo in front of the Krystal on Bourbon Street and asked for his reaction. 

RICK AND HIS ASSISTANT
COACHES SPOT A UFO
FLYING INSIDE THE KFC YUM
CENTER AND TRY TO ESTABLISH
COMMUNICATION.

"I could care less." Rick chuckled. "I've got more money that most third-world countries. I'll just go sit at the big table with Charles Barkley and those other CBS bozos. Maybe I'll build a boat and sail around the Keys...playing Jimmy Buffett music and pretending I'm a pirate. Maybe I'll take Gorgui and Chane with me and we'll smuggle cigars out of Cuba. I might grow my hair out and join Journey. I love those guys. Don't stop believing...Hey, whose up for burgers and shakes? My treat!" 


(The University of Louisville lost a hard fought game against Kentucky Saturday night 69-61. The Cards overcame several double-digit deficits and tied the contest at 49-49 after a Peyton Siva 3 with nine minutes to go. UK responded with a 8-0 run, though and held on for the win. A great coaching job by Pitino last night. Peyton Siva had 11 points, Chane Behanan 10 and Gorgui Dieng grabbed 12 rebounds and had four blocked  shots for Louisville. And, Rick Pitino is still the Louisville head coach this morning and Tom Jurich the best athletic director in the world.)


**************************************************************************

A humiliating loss to a
school that doesn't even
play football

The University of Louisville's softball team lost their first game of the season to DePaul University 7-1. A second game was scheduled, but Sandy Pearsall took the team to the locker room after the first contest and read a statement to media and fans over the Blue Demon public address system shortly thereafter.


"Hello there ladies and gentlemen! As of five minutes ago, I have disbanded the University of Louisville softball team and have accepted a position as assistant head usher at Stonybrook Cinemas. I told the team before the season began that if they lost a game, I was going to give them all bus fare and send them home to their mamas and daddies. Well..it look them a long time to lose one...but now that they have...it is now the end of 12 years of CARDINAL SOFTBALL. 

"We've tried to teach her for four years to stand up. "

"We've had it rough over these past twelve years. We play on an antiquated, turf- bare sandlot that doesn't even have toilets or a concession stand. We started selling beer this year. I've never see so many AARP- aged people run out of a place, scratching their heads and wondering where they could go relieve themselves after a belly full of suds in my life! It snows here until May. You tell me how you play softball in 20 degree weather and my outfielders are building snowmen and throwing snowballs at each other in the third inning." 


"It's more than that. Jurich told me he'd slashed the budget 90% from last year. Said he had to pony up some more bucks to keep Charlie Strong here. Told me I could buy the team bats and gloves at the thrift store. Took all the seats out of the stadium and sold them to a revival preacher in Biloxi. He even sold the tarp we use to cover the field to a travelling circus." 

"It's bad enough I have to coach in a back alley
near the Interstate...then I get people like
this showing up to watch games..Jeezz!"

"So, I've decided to just get out of this whole deal and collect tickets at the cinema. It's a great job. You take the ticket. You smile at the customers and you tell them to enjoy the movie. When they're all seated and the movie begins, you sit in a comfy chair and eat popcorn and Goobers until the next movie starts. And, I'm making $2 more an hour than I was at UofL. I've enjoyed my time here on campus. Yeah. Right. I'd rather go through a root canal a day with no Novocaine."


After her remarks, Pearsall put 'Sweet Caroline' on the PA system and did cartwheels across the field before leaving in a exhaust-belching 1991 Ford Pinto. A collection of remaining players, support staff and some of the 3rd grade girls from Jesuit Day Grade School eventually took the field and defeated DePaul 4-3 in the second game. They named themselves the Arthur Street Assassins and plan on joining the Sunbelt Conference once they return to Louisville. 


(Louisville DID lose their first game of the season to DePaul yesterday 7-1 in the first game but came back to take the nightcap 4-3. DePaul jumped out to an early 2-0 lead in the second inning on a Katelyn Braget home run and built up a 4-0 lead before the Cards got their lone run in the top of the sixth when Kristin Austin tripled and came home on a Katie Keller sacrifice fly. The Blue Demons added three runs in the home half of the sixth for the final 7-1 score. Tori Collins (13-1) took the loss, giving up four runs and four hits in four innings.


The Cards jumped on DePaul early in the second game with two runs in the first inning. Jennifer Esteban singled to start the game and scored on a Austin single. Austin got to the plate on a Keller single. 


After DePaul tied the contest in the bottom of the first, the teams remained scoreless until the top of the fifth. Esteban and Austin pounded back-to-back doubles off Blue Demon pitcher Bree Brown....Esteban scoring. Austin reached the plate to make it 4-2 on a Hannah Kiyohara single. DePaul would score the final run of the game in the bottom of the fifth. Caralisa Connell got the win for Louisville, going 5.1 innings and allowing three runs on seven hits. Chelsea Leonard finished the sixth inning for Connell and Tori Collins came on to relieve Leonard in the seven and got the Blue Demons out in order. 


***************************************************************************************

Maybe we could sell the website to
this guy and he could post articles
about what kind of burger toppings he likes.

It's been a fun two and one half years being the fan voice of UofL women's sports, but WE decided Friday that we were going to shut down the website and concentrate on driving around the metro area and looking for potholes. It's pretty easy stuff...you drive down a street and if you see a pothole...first you avoid it and then you write down the address where you saw it. Then, you call the road maintenance guys and they come out and fill it. 


We're not sure if we can get paid for this or not...but we're not getting paid to do CARDINAL COUPLE either and this will give us a chance to get out, drive around and look at pretty flowers and see what's happening in different neighborhoods. Maybe stop for a coffee or ice cream or a walk through the park. Maybe we can get the city or state to just give us a tank of gas every three or four days. That would work. 

(Sonja to Paul) "If  you write another article about Becky Burke
I swear to the Holy Jesus that I'll cut
off your fingertips while you sleep. Let the poor girl
graduate and get on with her life, OK? "

We wanted to wait until the basketball game was played to tell you readers about this. We weren't going to bother and tell any of our contributing writers about it...all they do is complain that Coach Walz doesn't play Sara Hammond enough and pester us for PANERA Cards three of four times a week. And the upkeep of a bunch of unruly chimps and having to drag Bill the Goat out of perilous situations every week....who needs it? All the moronic e-mails and comments we get daily and spam artists, phishing and stupid bots out there that want us to refinance a mortgage that we don't have or try Viagra, tropical berry juices and off-shore casino gambling. 

A picture of the only readers we had in the month of March
Some of them can't even stand up on their own.

Hey, we're tired and my fingers bleed constantly from typing up this drivel for an unappreciative, illiterate and gaseous readership. Blah, blah, blah. 


We'll still leave the site access up, so those with writing and administrative privileges can log on and putter around here if they want. We'll see how that goes. Most of them couldn't write a two sentence paragraph about walking across the room and putting a plate on the table...but, most days we can't either...so what does it really matter? 


David Watson is the worst...Sonja spends hours going through the stuff he sends our way, running spell check and removing all the obscenities, profanities, bigoted references and death threats he puts in about Obama and Col. Sanders in each article he submits.  The man is dumber than a box of rocks and less interesting. He asks trees for advice. Seriously. We don't think he knows what periods or paragraphs are...much less how they should be used. 

Paul wants to form a speed metal band
with these three guys and give
up writing. Hello, Detroit!!

It's been great, CARDINAL COUPLE readers. Go check out some other website...we really don't care...or maybe turn off the laptop and do something productive like reading a book or performing volunteer work. 


Last person on the site please turn out the lights when leaving. We're off to the Ford Taurus and the open road, baby! 


(Fear not, readers. We aren't going anywhere. WE feel blessed and fortunate to have a website that started with a few friends and Google searchers reading and now receives an average of more than 2000 hits a day We marvel on how we have great writers like David, Jenny and Sandy. WE also appreciate all of our readers -- even the ones in Connecticut -- and the comments and great Internet finds from people like Commish Mark, Ellis and Shirley, PDX Phil and so many more of you. 

You are CARDINAL COUPLE. If it's wasn't for you...there would be no CARDINAL COUPLE. You (and us) are the fans. And, that's what this site is about. 

Thanks for riding along with us this far and we hope you'll continue the journey!


And, thanks for reading the PARODY April Fools Edition of CARDINAL COUPLE. See ya tomorrow! )
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BURKE finishes second in 3-point shoot-out

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FRIDAY CARDINAL COUPLE


-Becky Burke comes in second in State Farm 3-point contest


-Good reads on the UofL v UK rivalry


-The Watson Chronicles

UofL senior guard Becky Burke wasn't picked by any of the ESPN "talking heads" to win the Women's 3-point shootout last night in Tulane's Fogelman arena. It didn't phase the Clarks' Summit, PA native, though...as she qualified for the second round and finals of the shoot-out before losing to USC's Ashley Corral. 

It was very exciting to see Burke standing on the sidelines before her turn...#11 paying attention to her tying of her shoes and chatting with the other participants. She went last in the first round...knowing that Corral had put up a score of 20 and that two other participants had registered scores of 15.

The announcers' hype was on her first-round shooting adversary...Alyssa Shoji (Santa Clara). Becky started slowly...but picked up her accuracy as the contestants circled their way around the arc. She shot well at the final rack of balls and ended up with 15 points. It put her in a tie for second with Jessica Jenkins (St. Bonaventure) and Courtney Ingersoll (Toledo). 

We heard a rarity in the second round, ESPN guys actually saying favorable things about a player from Louisville...complementing her on her form and release from three point range. And, Becky was "on"...scoring 18 points..best of any of the second round contestants and advancing to the finals to meet Corral. 


Loved the shirt "puffing" of the Louisville name by Burke and the obvious excitement and joy on BB's face as she dominated the other three participants. She had a total of 33 points in the first and second rounds...second best behind Corral's 34. 

Corral went first in the finals and was hitting well, especially on the "money ball" or two point shot. She torched the nets for 20 points again and Burke's work was cut out for her. 


She gave it her best effort...but the shots just weren't falling as frequently as they were in the first two rounds and Becky finished with 11 points. 


Still it was great to see her out there having fun and to watch her doing what she did best in four years at UofL -- bomb from long range. 

We had surmised that she was the only UofL women's basketball player to ever participate in this event...but were informed by CARDINAL COUPLE correspondent Jenny that Jill Morton took part in the event in 2000 and made it to the second round before bowing out. Morton is fourth on the all-time made 3-point field goals list at UofL with 201.

We're gonna miss that big Becky smile and great personality around here next year. Always loved the way she was straight-forward and detailed in her post-game press conference comments. 


Whoever steps in to fill those shoes as the long range "hired gun" will have their work ahead of them to try and duplicate what "double B's" accomplished here at Louisville in four years. She's third on UofL made threes list with 249 and will be first in a lot of Cardinal fans' hearts for a long time. 


Good effort tonight for Becky. Any WNBA franchises interested in a dead-on bomber from long range? If so, dial 1-800-UL BECKY...and hit "3" at the prompt....


************************************************************************************************************************************************


Great read on the UofL and UK rivalry below and a thought-perception look at the UofL and UK fan profile. 


Cats fans have much to fear

And, this tongue-in-cheek look at the rivalry...


The day Louisville died

************************************************************************************************************


(David Watson is a special correspondent for CARDINAL COUPLE. He's also about the only one we can get to write articles lately. Maybe too many articles...but D.W. has never been shy about saying what's on his mind. HERE WE GO...)  

Final Four's have been established for both the men's and women's NCAA Tournaments. How did you do in your prognostication picks on who would get there? I'll take my 5 out of eight possible any day. I went 3 for 4 with women's picks -- missing only on Stanford. I figured St. John's to get there in my original bracket picks. I wish I had submitted these to the CARDINAL COUPLE contest. I'd be in third place, but time, work and just plain forgetfulness on my part were my reasons for missing the event. 

On the guys side, I'm 2 for 4. Had to put UK there. They're better than several NBA franchises this year. I also liked Kansas to get to New Orleans and play in the Championship game against the Calipari Cats. I have them beating UK. I've revised that as of late and I am optimistic that we'll see a Louisville - Kansas title match Monday night.  

Louisville is the highest seed at #4 out of all eight finalists. Five #1 seeds advanced and two #2 seeds join the Cards in the FINAL FOUR'S. Got them right where we want them, right? No surprise that in various polls and opinion surveys I've looked at, Louisville is being chosen as the least likely to capture the crown on the men's docket. Shock and awe, baby. It's worked well so far. 

Finally, I want to publicly address an e-mail forwarded to me by Sonja that CARDINAL COUPLE received about me. It was an "anonymous" sender and although Sonja offered to track the IP address for me, I declined. I will put mine out there for all to see, though. You can e-mail me at this link.

David's e-mail

It is: mrwatsonipresume@insightbb.com


The writer expressed his dis-satisfaction on just about every item I've submitted to CARDINAL COUPLE. The writer also went back into time and berated me for my participation at another website (a site that banned me for speaking my mind). Here is my response: 


Dear "Anonymous"


How fortunate you are to be 100% correct all the time and never controversial in your life! 
How great it must be for you to live in a world where everyone is always in perfect agreement with you and if a dissenter exists...you can make them disappear with a wave of your magic wand. I am envious. 

I, sadly, live in a world where there are differences in opinion. I make mistakes. I sometimes take the "road less traveled" opinion and viewpoint. I live in a world where there is unforeseen tragedy and horrible events that cause devastation and heartbreak. Sadness is as common and happiness and I've tried many shades of glasses...but none can block or prevent my view of the real picture out there.


Maybe someday -- I'll be allowed to reach your lofty, pristine and tranquil world. Until then, I will dwell in reality and write about it as well. As Paul has said in the past, if you don't like what you are reading, your laptop or main frame keyboard has a back arrow or just click the red "X" on the top, right hand corner of your screen.


-David Watson 


Have a great weekend everybody and let's hope we are marveling Sunday morning (April Fools Day, too!) about how Louisville is playing for it all on Monday night. Next week is "Holy Week" -- so take some time to remember what happened in the past to a man who gave his life for us so that we could be free of sin.


***********************************************


FINALLY, THIS...


I am of firm conviction that this game must not be allowed to take place. Too much at stake. Crisis phone bank centers being overwhelmed with distraught calls from fans on the losing side. People hurling themselves off the K&I bridge in Louisville or the bridge on I-75 over the Kentucky River outside Lexington. Families weeping openly in public venues while priests, state employees and used car salesmen try to console them. 


I have to take action. I am headed to New Orleans to prevent this mistake. 


I left a note on the kitchen table for the wife and kids. It explained what I have gone to do and what I hope to accomplish. The note also reminded my son to cut the grass and revealed my secret for keeping the garage door on it's hinges. I'm not giving up my recipe for chicken fritattas yet. That note will probably get eaten by Ralph, the chocolate Labrador. It will not taste nearly as good as my fritattas. 


I am in my Ford Escort driving down I-65. Talking into my voice recorder. Wondering if I have time to visit Mammoth Cave. I stopped for gas earlier. Too many White Castles in Louisville. I told the girl at the register in the gas and groceries of my plan. She ignored me. Just like the Americans ignored warnings that a big ol' fleet of Japanese planes were flying across the Pacific back in 1941.


I left her a copy of my 22 page manifesto on why I am doing what I am doing. She gave me $3.71 back in change. I am reborn, feeling good about this trip and I will bypass Nashville by taking back roads outside of Hendersonville. The voices are telling me to. I will comply. 


I've tried to reach Tom Izzo and Billy Donovan several times now by cellular means. Left voice mails telling them to have their teams ready to hop on charters and play each other for the chance to meet the Kansas vs. Ohio State winner. I also mis-dialed once and ordered a pint of Moo Goo Gai Pan and (2) egg-rolls from some restaurant in Bangor, Maine. It matters not. I don't even like egg-rolls. 


Arriving in the city of New Orleans. I know I am being followed. I'm being watched and talked about all over the Crescent City. They don't think I know that I know they are watching. But I do. I stop at a package store on the west bank. I buy three packages, one with pretty floral wrapping paper and a yellow bow. Oh, yeah. This is real and it's going down.


I'm outside Pitino's hotel. He is who I must talk to first. Only he will be able to understand the logic of what I have to do. Only he has the foresight and knowledge to wisely step aside and call this Armageddon off. We posed together for a picture once in the 1990's. I know he'll remember.


Things are starting to greatly upset me. People telling me Pitino isn't available. That Pitino is sleeping. That Pitino rhymes with Petrino. Tall, muscular men with sunglasses and dour dispositions. I'll have the last laugh, though. 


Got him! He was sneaking out the back of the hotel with Ricky, Jr. and Paul Rogers. Face to face. I tell him quickly, fervently to call the game off. It is a brief plea and there are people talking all around us. He smiles and autographs my New Orleans map with his sharpie. So does Rogers. Junior gives me a business card for a tax attorney. WTF?  They are in the car and gone before I can fight my way through the sunglass dudes and hitch a ride. I have no choice now. I've got to get to Calipari. Six hours before tip off. Maybe some sushi or craw-fish fettuccine first... 


I enter the Calipari hotel and some pretty young thing from a Louisville television station grabs me by the arm and asks me if I'd like to be on the air and talk about the game? Divine providence! A chance to share my position with the world! It's a blur. Lights, babbling. A microphone shoved in front of my face. I pull out a copy of my manifesto and start to read. All of a sudden, a bleach-blonde babe comes walking in the lobby with two yorkies on leashes. One wearing a red jump suit and the other clad in blue. Oohs and ahhs, and in a flash, the cameras, the reporters and the crowd leave me. I stand there alone. I am dismayed but not defeated. 


It cost me $250 but I met this guy who knows this guy who can get me five minutes alone with Calipari. It's my best shot now. We're to meet in 45 minutes, in an abandoned coin laundry establishment five blocks from the Superdome. 


I get there early and walk in and look around. I see the place is empty and that's the last thing I remember before I feel this sharp thump to the back of my head and I sink into unconsciousness. 


I awake in pain. My wallet -- gone. My watch -- gone. Even my wing-tip shoes -- gone. I've also got a toy balloon in the shape of a giraffe on my head. I get up. I stagger out of the laundry into the mid-afternoon sun. "Nice balloon, dude!" a young man comments as he walks by me on the sidewalk. I know now that it's "final option" time. I walk down the sidewalk toward the Superdome. Pants around my ankles -- because the bastards got my belt, too. I give the giraffe balloon to an elderly couple passing me on the sidewalk. They hand me a $5 dollar bill. City of big spenders. 


I lurk outside the employees' entrance to the Dome. Waiting for weak prey. I find one, approach and offer congratulations on being selected for and winning a 3-day, 2-night all expenses paid trip to Six Flags over Peytona-Waddy. The gullible victim follows me behind the dumpster. It is over quickly. Mercifully. Clad in my new uniform, equipped with I.D, I walk away. I hear a plaintive 


"Hey, Mister. Where's my trip voucher?"


from behind the dumpster as I approach the door. The security guard gives me a perfunctionary glance and hurriedly checks my badge as I briskly walk in. "Go ahead, Ms. Soo Lee Kwang." I hear as I walk away. Perfect! I have to ditch these heels, though.


An hour before tip. I am high up in the Dome, in front of a vast array of electrical control panels. What I had to do to get that far, I'd rather not go into detail about and I'm not too proud of. Let's just say that if I ever end up in prison, I'll be one popular dude and probably have inmates fight over sharing a cell with me. During the player introductions, this puppy goes off the grid! No way they can play in the dark.


There were about a dozen of them and just one of me, but I put up a heck of a fight. They overpowered me, though. Damn girl scouts selling cookies for their troop. 12 boxes of Tag-a-longs later, I am alone again. I wonder why Soo Lee doesn't carry any large bills in her purse and I wonder who the people are in her wallet photos? Why is there a picture of Danny Most from "Happy Days"? I hear the National Anthem over the speakers. It's almost show-time, kiddies!


Just as Anthony Davis trots out to exchange greetings with the rest of the Cats, I start flipping switches. What? It isn't stopping the introductions! I take a crowbar to the panels. Sparks flying everywhere, the thick acrid smoke choking my lungs. But, the lights remain on. I dash out of the electrical room. Power is on everywhere. An electrical maintenance guy strolls my way briskly. I ask what's happening. He looks at me. 


"Ms. Kwang, all the parking lot lights have gone off. Excuse me. please." 


He also winks at me and hands me a piece of paper with his phone number on it. Guys just love to open their big mouths and blab, don't they? 


I sag. My mind is spinning. Parking lot control boxes? I hand him a box of Tag-a-longs and feebly shuffle off.


I walk slowly, dejectedly down the concourse. I hear the crowd roar and the announcer boom "Goal by Siva!" I have failed. I walk to the ramp leading to the lower level. A supervisor in a tie grabs me by the arm, though, and wildly shouts:


"I need you to go get more chicken strips for Luxury Box 13, Soo Lee!" 


Why not? Maybe I can lurk up there and watch a little bit of the contest. Maybe meet a big-shot attorney or investment banker and go out for cocktails and whatever after the game. 


I've been changed by all this. I doubt I ever get back to my home, my wife and kids. But, there are advantages to being a middle aged, single Chinese woman in New Orleans, I suppose. 


How do you say "New in town, big fella?" in Mandarin (or ca-jun)?  


(Looks like we'll be looking for someone to replace David as a contributing writer. Unless we develop a strong following in China or New Orleans) 
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Lacrosse wins at Cincinnati...Softball faces UK Wednesday...WE have a final four

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WEDNESDAY CARDINAL COUPLE


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GAME REPORT: UofL 1 -UK 0 in softball


-Cards now 28-0 with win over Kentucky


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The University of Louisville got a lead-off home run from Kristin Austin in the fourth inning to manufacture the only run they needed to defeat Kentucky 1-0 in Lexington Weds. evening.


They also survived a slight scare in the bottom of the seventh from UK to hold on for the win. Tori Collins and Chelsea Leonard combined for seven pitched innings with just two hits allowed, but the Cats had runners on the corners with two out. Leonard clinched the win, though by striking out UK's Emily Gaines for the win.


The teams went through the first three innings with just two UK hits...Chandra Bell baffling the Cards from the pitching stripe and allowing just one base runner...a walk to Katie Keller in the first inning. 


Kristin Austin came to the plate in the top of the fourth and soon changed that, though, leading off with a line drive shot deep to left center that easily cleared the fence. Katie Keller followed with a double to right center...but Bell composed herself enough to get out of the inning by getting Taner Fowler to flt out to center, Alicja Wolny to fly out to left and Jordan Trimble getting sent to the dugout on a called third strike.


Collins cruised along for the Cards until the bottom of the sixth. After getting UK's Emily Jolly to pop out to third, Kara Dill singled to right. UofL coach Sandy Pearsall called on Leonard to relieve Collins and the Cards got out of the inning with no further damage done. 


The Cards started the top of the seventh with a Kayla Soles single but couldn't advance her against Rachel Riley, who had taken over pitching duties to start the sixth inning. 


UK mounted a last-ditch rally in the bottom of the seventh when Ginny Carroll drew a walk with one out. Ellen Weaver struck out for the second out...but Lauren Cumbess reached on a Cardinal fielding error an Carroll advanced to third. That set the stage for Leonard striking out Gaines to end the contest. 


Louisville returns to action this weekend with three games in Chicago against DePaul.


28-0. The only undefeated team in NCAA D1 softball. And, the first win of the week for CARDINAL SPORTS against the UK Wildcats !!! Carry it over to Saturday, CARDS!  


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-Lacrosse defeats Bearcats 18-7


-Cards vs. Cats Wednesday (in softball)


-FINAL Four WBB is set


-The roving reporter report.


Louisville lacrosse jumped out to a 13-2 first half lead against Cincinnati Tuesday at Nippert Stadium and cruised to 18-7 win over the Bearcats in BIG EAST conference play. Louisville (3-6, 1-1) got four goals from Nikki Boltja en route to the win. 


"The first half was one of our strongest we have played in five years." head coach Kellie Young commented after the match. "We showed great team play, beautiful transition and stingy defense." 

Louisville jumped out to a 4-0 advantage and three of Boltja's goals came during a 10-1 run that gave Louisville the 11 point first half lead. 


The Cards continued their "rotating goalie" strategy...Danielle Pawliw getting the start and Ashley Herbst finishing in the second half. Louisville returns to action on April 5th. They'll host Loyola, MD at the Louisville lacrosse stadium.


*******************************************

Louisville softball travels to Lexington Wednesday for a game against the Kentucky Wildcats. Louisville moved to #11 in the nation with a three game sweep of Pittsburgh this weekend. They are 27-0 on the season. 


UK is 15-16 on the season and last time out took two out of three on the road against #21 Auburn. The Cats are led by Kara Dill (.407) and Rachel Riley offensively. Chandra Bell (8-5) has a 2.57 ERA on the pitching stripe for UK.


The Cards pitching trio of Tori Collins, Caralisa Connell and Chelsea Leonard have a combined ERA of 1.05 and are holding opponents to a batting average of .166. The Cardinal hurlers have struck out 195 opponent batters and have 12 shutouts so far this year. 

Louisville has a team batting average of .341 and is outscoring opponents 155-33 this year. Alicja Wolny is batting .426 and Taner Fowler has a .414 average and leads the Cards with five home runs so far.


Last year, the two teams split the series...Louisville winning at Ulmer 6-0 and UK taking the Lexington contest 14-8. 


Game time is 6 p.m. It would be nice to get a mid-week win in over Kentucky so that Louisville can go 2-0 against UK in sporting activities this week, right?


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UConn and Notre Dame are joining Stanford and Baylor in the NCAA Women's Final Four in Denver. 

The Huskies had a tight first half against Matthew Mitchell's UK Wildcats Tuesday night in Rhode Island, taking a two point lead at half-time on a buzzer-beating Kelly Faris layup off a Tiffany Hayes pass. 


Connecticut gradually pulled away in the second stanza, holding the Cats scoreless over a six minute stretch and leading by over 20 points several times before the final 80-65 outcome. Tiffany Hayes had 22 for Geno's gang and Kaleena Mosqueda-Lewis added 18. We'll give Matty grudging compliments on the job he did with the Kentucky women this year. They did get further than the Lady Cards and beat Louisville in the regular season. Wait until next year, though...MM.

Connecticut will get a 4th match with Notre Dame in the Pepsi Center. The Irish blasted Maryland 80-49 in the second regional final game Tuesday night to earn their berth to Denver. Skylar Diggins recorded a triple-double against the Terps.


The FINAL FOUR begins Sunday...Stanford and Baylor meeting in the other semi-final game


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'The minute you start talking about what you are going to do if you lose...you have lost.' 
-George Shultz

Kentucky or Louisville? The decision is as tough as trying
to convince a seemingly hung jury to decide on a
conviction. 

Yep. 'The Game' is getting closer. The fans are getting more edgy and uptight. In the spirit of research and human interest, I decided to do a little "poll" today after work to get the lay of the land in my area on this 'Saturday Night Special' between UofL and UK in the NCAA semifinals. I did not want to influence comments in any way...so I got out my Bears t-shirt and Dixie Beer cap and hit several business establishments within a five mile drive of our stately estate  and manor. 


Nice afternoon for a drive. I rolled down the windows and blasted a little Jimmy Buffett for the neighbors.  

It is good to know the will of the people in the areas you spend your consumer dollars.


My first stop was the post office. It is usually a mid-afternoon stop for me anyway, and I needed stamps..so I was multi-tasking here. Dangerous... but still within the realm of my control. Not using real names here in some cases...the Post Office is in enough trouble as it is. I didn't get names in a couple of instances. So, sue me. 


(Clarence) is a big UofL fan. He talked about the rivalry. He's never stepped foot in the KFC YUM! Center..."I need to go down there and take in a game someday"...He also feels UofL will have their work cut out for them Saturday. "You going up against a team that already has 5 NBA players, you know it's gonna be tough. This ain't Prairie View. I hope the Cards can pull it off, man." (For the record -- Prairie View A&M was 15-16 on the season and did not play Louisville or Kentucky this year.) I purchased my stamps and moved on.

Didn't wear the usual UofL gear today

Next, I went to the "chain" pharmacy I usually frequent. They've just opened up a new facility near me and I hadn't explored it very closely...so I went in with my debit card and expectations. 


Never pass on a good deal.


I spoke with (Matilda) a clerk at the store while she was stocking shelves. She didn't understand what all the fuss was about ("they play each other all the time, right?") but noted that a lot of people had been buying school-fandom related gear that the store carried and surmised that this was good for the economy and her place of employment.

Could the guy maybe
been Lachlan MacLain?

"I did have this guy looking for blue plastic plates and blue plastic utensils. We have the blue plates but not the blue forks and stuff. He actually got upset about that, kinda in a kidding way, but I'm thinking to myself...really? Upset about not being able to buy blue spoons?" she confined. She has no pick in the game, is not a sports fan and wishes that people would put the same time and effort into animal adoption as they do events like this. I declined the opportunity to adopt a puppy and headed to checkout. I do send money to the Kentucky Humane Shelter each year. I could end up there someday.


While standing in the checkout line, I asked the lady in front of me about the game. She was wearing a UK sweatshirt. (Beth) has recently retired and she and her husband would love to travel to the game in New Orleans but has heard that tickets were scarce and expensive. Also that lodging was even scarcer and expensive. Is 'scarcer' a proper word to use here? Sounds OK to me... 


"I hope the Cats can pull it off. They had a rough time with Louisville in the regular season and that little Smith guy acted like he could score on the Cats anytime he wanted to." she fretted. "Still, I think UK will win. By about 10-12 points."

Maybe I should have gone for pizza...

Next stop was food. All this on-the-scene-journalism was making me hungry. I chose a "buffet style" restaurant and was seated. My waitress had a UofL button on her apron. She also spoke very little English but after determining I wanted ice water with lemon to drink with the buffet...she shyly responded to my question about the game. 


"Go UL. I live here in Louisville. I hope they win." she commented in broken English. I smiled and went to raid the chicken-on-a-stick bin. While cruising the steam tables, I was next to a guy in a Eastern Kentucky t-shirt. I asked his opinion on the game while he studied the beef with pepper and onions steak. 


"Cats." he offered and gave me the once-over. "And Packers in the Central" he added. Hadn't he heard about the Bears getting Michael Bush and Brandon Marshall? I nodded wisely. "Gotta love Rodgers." I replied and walked slowly away. 


Detente is wise when encountering a hungry man at an "all you can eat" place.

After stuffing my gut, I went to my regular gasoline stop. Wincing at the almost $4 a gallon pricing, I nevertheless swiped my card, filled up the tank and went inside for a couple of other items. The cashier nodded. She recognized me as a regular and I placed my items on the counter. I noticed a table set up with both school's items...hats, shirts and trinkets. I asked which school was getting the most sales. She thought and replied "Probably UofL. The young kids, they love the Cardinals." I asked her pick on the game. "UK" she whispered. "But don't tell the manager. She's crazy UofL." 

no...Kim Mulkey is NOT my
neighbor...I just like the pic and
it's our web site so I can put it
on here if I want. Nyah, nyah!!
Sonja wants to know why the guy
in the suit is seemingly yelling
at Kim's derriere... Hmm. 

I returned home and surveyed my results. This is where my pocket voice recorder came in handy. It had been a busy assignment. The results were 3-2 UK, with one abstention. If you counted the manager that the cashier feared, make it 3-3. And, UofL stuff was selling better. I felt I needed a tie-breaker. I went outside and saw my neighbor in her back yard with her dogs. I headed over...she had no idea that the balance of this article's poll hung on her answer. 


(Mary) walked over to the fence and offered me some freshly picked asparagus from her garden. Sonja loves asparagus, so I accepted the offer. She went inside and came out with a plastic bag half-filled with the green-stemed vegetable. We chatted. I waited for the right opportunity to strike. Finally, a lull in the rambling conversation about the other neighbors, her coming across a snake in her side yard and her dogs.


I popped the question. With a steely glint in her eyes and stern look across her face she squinted in the late afternoon sun and slowly spoke. 

"Kentucky. My late (husband) Ralph...he loved the Cats. You remember?" 


I did remember. 


So, there it is. UK will win the Saturday match-up, in a close mandate by the average Joe's and Jane's and Ralph's out there.


Aw, what the heck? Go ahead and give it your best shot anyway, Cards. I'll be in the slight minority cheering for you. 


As the late general and United States president Dwight D. Eisenhower once said..."In preparing for battle I have always found that PLANS are useless but PLANNING is indispensable." 


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